Monday, 14 May 2012

Weekend of fun. Yeah right.

As a female, I should be pretty well accquainted with the woes of the monthlies. Only I'm not. For about two years, I didn't have regular periods and this pleased me greatly. Although at one point someone pointed out to me the unusualness of it all which made me worry for about two hours. In that two hours I went to the doctor to get answers. I got a blood test which came back showing normal signs of everything. Only I had elevated testosterone levels.


Apparently it's normal for a female to have some testosterone, mine were just a bit higher. And by a bit, I mean by double. But it wasn't high enough for my doctor to give a crap about it. So I left and half a year later I went to another doctor for another unrelated problem. I don't even remember what happened but in the end, this doctor sent me for a blood test to see why I'm so irregular. Tests came back exactly the same. Doctor came to the same conclusion. I'm apparently just manly. Too manly be a chick but not manly enough to be a man. What? It wasn't like I was hairy either.


At the beginning of this year, I went to Hong Kong. I got sick there and my uncle asked why I don't go to the doctor. I was like why bother? I'll eventually get better. Only we ended up at the doctor's and I experienced the quickest doctor visit I've ever had. I don't think I had sat down for more than two minutes before it was over. Oh that reminds me, perhaps Asian people have a thing about being naked/semi naked even at the doctors. Or even, being touched. This doctor was trying to use a stethoscope with minimum contact and without me taking off my jacket. I found it hilarious and suggested to him "how about I just take my clothes off?" to which he enthusiastically agreed in a manner of disbelief and also relief. I took off my jacket and was about to continue taking off my shirt. My uncle who was with me had an expression that looked similar to this emoticon: O___o and he looked like he was thinking "omfg wtf is she doing?"


The doctor told me that's enough and did his testing without me getting semi naked. I don't know if this is just because I grew up in a mostly European setting, or because I studied health science which often required me to get naked/semi naked in front of strangers or a whole lot of other people, but I certainly feel that taking off your shirt in front of your doctor isn't a big deal at all. Seriously, they've seen it all. After the fastest consultation of my life (seriously, doctors in NZ pretty much take 15 minutes per consultation. It's so they "establish a connection with their patients, create a trusting bond" or something.), I was prescribed a bagfull of drugs. Seven to be exact.


Only these drugs made me worse. Except I thought I was getting better. Ha. One morning, I took some and went out. I was basically roaming a strange city by myself and I was high on a concoction of legal drugs. Eventually I met up again with the same uncle who came with me to the doctor and we were talking and eating. I remember talking a mile a minute. I don't even know if he understood what I was saying. At one point he asked me why I don't have a full body check up. I was like wtf for? And he was all well first things first, you don't even get periods. Second is you get sick for months.


I went silent for a while because a) I was high and my brain had already moved onto a different topic and b) wait what?


So a few more days passed, I went to the hospital because I got worse and the same thing happened again at the doctors my uncle had this "omfg not again" expression and he turned around as I started stripping.


Ughhhhh omg this post has off into a tangent. Anyway, the point of this story was that my mother used to buy me ........ Feminine supplies if you will but we both got used to the irregularity. I had more than enough stock at home so my mother stopped buying them. I eventually ran out. I had it last month so I assumed it'll be another couple of months later before I would need to go buy more. Only it seems my body has decided to be normal again and I was caught surprised. I also had work on the weekend. I have never been in so much pain in my life while working. To top it off, yesterday (Sunday) was Mother's Day. One of the busiest day of the year for our restaurant. Never in my life have I wished so much to be a man.


Ok, I'm going to stop here. This is way too long.

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